WMD Ltd.
(Weapons of Man’s Destruction)
No: 498 -A.
Asatya Marg,
Nari-yell (nariyal) Udyaaan.
Luckynow.
WMD ..The big board on the “Asatya Marg” in a town called LuckyNow in UP, pulled quite a lot of potential customers. Welcome to the world of missiles. The agent says. The shop has branches all over India. Mind you just India. The retailer has a license from all the top Politicians in India. The main funding comes from some Woman’s Wings . Your guess is right. Its a Stree-Sena (Woman Warriors) organized funding. But anyway.
What is the latest in the shelf of this shop? The all powerful, government supplied missile. It is distributed for free to all the going to be married woman . The only other thing that the government used to distribute like this before was the contraceptives. Ok, atleast the Indian govt is producing something or the other to be distributed to public in the interest of the married couple.
This missile is called AK-498a with Advanced DV features. The inventor of AK-47 would have been so much in shock and jealousy over this new product ,the Indian govt is distributing for absolutely free. There are some requirements for this though. It can be bought only girl who is going to be wedded or her parents.
The distributor was Anamika Chaturvedi Singh (ACS) . Its not important who the Distributor is , but anyway I thought maybe I should just tell that too.. Miss Rani-Sumitra-Singh and her mother Mrs. Sumitra Singh walk in with “great expectations”. Mrs. Anamika in her 40s, Hurried to the new customers and said Madam, this is the latest product. AK 498a with advanced DV features. You can use it when and where you want. It’s easy to use and takes literally no space in your shelf. It can be Miss used by you. Oh… sorry it can be used by you Miss I meant!! It can me used as a WMD ( weapon of Man’s destruction) . It involves no running costs and is maintenance free (you will get your “maintenance” for free she meant). All you need is a small nerve in your backbone that can make somebody’s life a hell. Which, of course you can do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be talking to me. If you cannot, then this tool may not be useful for you. Madam if you really can not, my colleagues can definitely help you get there.There was an older version of this war weapon, which was definitely meant to be a shield against the other missiles. It was a strongest tool to whip the backs of some unscrupulous husbands and in-laws. But the study said that it was not being used really. We then invented the latest of these.
Rani Speaks out in Doubt : I know the family I am going to be married to. The boy says they are very close knit family with a lot of love and affection.
Mrs.Anamika now bursts out her discomfort on what Rani says. Mrs.Anamika swooshing her hair away says: And you beleive that 🙂 What a freak this boy must be? Is the boy for real? Dont you know young lady, havent you heard anybody saying .. Dont trust Man, There are “other” things more trust worthy??
The girl’s mother intervened. She said. Yes Madam, that is exactly what I keep telling this girl. How will she be able to live harmoniously with her husband in a close knit happy family? How can she rule her husband and taunt him and torture him and go unnoticed if there are people around her?? My concerns are infinite Mrs ACS. Mrs.Sumithra Singh cried in distress. The girl was like I know I can manage. But wasn’t it a good thing that the family I am going to, is a happy family. Will they not take care of me and all?? Constant internal voices were ringing in her mind. But another very strong thought. “Mom can’t be wrong”. She is experienced. Seeing her mom cry, the girl’s love for her mom grew infinitely. Oh she is so much worried about me. Mrs ACS soon came to wipe the mother’s tears. She held Mrs.Sumithra’s Hand with a firm touch.Don’t worry. I know your problem. I am a mother too. I have daughters too. Mrs. ACS said with a deep affirmative voice. I will tell your girl. She turned towards this girl and said look Miss. Rani You can get married to whoever you want, as long as you have the AK-498a with you.
Finally the Rani was given a full day training on using this new weapon in all the possible ways and she came back home feeling quite secured and “empowered”
Back home : Rani’s Mother and father Mr. Durbal Singh discuss about her marriage.
Mr.Durbal Singh : (Clearing his voice) Sumithra, marriage means a lot of expenses. How are we going to manage this?
Mrs.Sumithra : Don’t worry, I have a plan. We will spend as less a possible (even if we can spend on the marriage). We won’t do what we promise to do, we shall go find the cheapest hall possible, and give it an outlook of couldnt find a good one in the time constraint. Let us make sure whatever money we spend, we will use 80 % for us and 20 % for them.
Mr.Durbal Singh: Hey this is unfair. The guys are a good family. We shouldn’t do this. If we can’t, then let’s tell them that we can’t, and may be they can also help us do this. Let’s be fair.
Mrs.Sumithra: You shut up. I know how to do my daughters marriage. Now listen.. Whatever we do , we should put up a face of a badly troubled parents unable to do a marriage , but are doing it for the sake of our daughter. The more we irritate them, the more we are out of this business of entertaining them in the future. Also, we are girl’s parents. Let’s take some advantage of this.
Mr.Durbal Singh: Will that not affect the girl’s life in her in-laws house?
Mrs.Sumithra: I have seen the “would be” in laws. They are toothless grass eating vegetarian animals that can be tamed in the backyard. So they WILL never hurt anybody. Besides, I found out that Mr.Satya Pal Singh , the groom’s father is a heart patient and had already two attacks. The family is like in trouble. This would be the best time for our daughter Rani to put pressure on the Groom. Anyway, I will train my daughter to have sweet coated poisonous smiles anyway. So with them and with the Grass eating Vegetarian Groom that we have found, she will behave in a completely different way, until she wins the confidence of people. Slow poisoning will start from day 1 though. In-laws will think that this girl is good so no problems with her parents. This will continue for the first 6 months. And then I will tell her what to do and how to use the new tool I bought for her. I shall make sure that the girl brings the husband to our house from her in laws house.
Mr.Durbal Singh: New tool? what is that?
Mrs.Sumithra: its called AK-498A. A very good govt servant , good samaritan from the Stree Sena party called Mrs.ACS was distributing it free of cost. I got our daughter trained in that too.
Now After 6 months of a married time when our daughter will make him a sex slave or show him the fact that marriage should be kept at any cost, our daughter will try to keep breaking it and the guy will keep trying to make it. Simple. The dependency on our daughter increases. He either comes to our house or decides to leave our daughter. The chances are that 90%, he will try to keep up the marriage and do as our daughter says. So we can take a bit of risk.
The case that the guy is a bit stubborn, and decides to be supportive of his old parents, we can then use the missile that Mrs.ACS gave us. It has advanced DV features also. Apparently, she used it for herself on her daughters too and it worked quite well. SO she must be a good seller.
So during the first 6 months our daughter will do the following
1. Dont know how to cook. So will ask the husband to cook or very playfully will ask the husband to teach her how to cook.
2. She will bring the issue of rights and human rights for the smallest of chores that she would have to be performing at home.
3. Special cases for in laws, no cooperation movement. She will make sure she disagrees for everything that in laws are saying, and playfully agree for everything that the husband says ( in the view to not do it later on some pretext)
4. The disagreeing will continue and then will get a new flavour of cant get along well with in-laws. Tfhe Groom’s father had 2 heart attacks before, so the guy is already in mellowed state. He will make sure he doesnt cause disharmony in the family . So he is bound to make peace with our girl Rani.
5. Our daughter will closely monitor every mood change especially with her Mother in law. She will take no time to magnify it to her husband and prove that his mother is really bad. She will try to tell the husband that he has not noticed this feature about his mom for the last 28 years. And he should be grateful to his wife for opening his eyes.
6. The girl seriously monitors any discussion on how the marriage went, records all critical comments. She will play this for her husband and keep taunting him that the guy and his parents are harassing her for dowry. The guy says. Dowry??###!!!$$%%%&%&%??? The Guy will go pale &&@@##... When the hell did that happen? As we won’t give them any dowry and so it is obviously annoying for the guy. All for getting him annoyed. Our daughter, apple of our eyes, will continue harassing her husband and make it look like she is getting harassed. She will ruin all her nights with him and she will keep cribbing and nagging and harassing for something even she doesn’t understand . All she will know is that one day Husband should give up and do according to what she says. At least then , He will think that his wife will be happy. So one day he will come and ask our daughter… Ok what can I do to make u happy? Our daughter will then keep her demands..
- Your mom and dad are devils. Throw them out of the house.
- Why don’t you do as per what I say from here on?
- My parents will be your parents for all practical purposes from here on
- My parents will stay with us from here on and You will take care of them
- You will give my parents 10K every month for their expenses.
… etc ..to name a few. I haven’t thought about the whole set yet, but will come up with it soon.
7. The guy will either agree or disagree. If disagrees, then the girl will say, we are fighting not because of differences between us, but because of your parents.
8. By this time girl will be in tears and would have been crying so badly that her husband will want to console her. By this time enough crying and disagreements would have happened.
9. The husband is in his eternal try to awaken an already awake person. She is acting like sleeping. So husband is frustrated that his wife is not cooperating. He doesn’t understand that it’s all framed up.
10. By this time the girl will gather enough information about the family and evidences for the future disaster.
11. The girl all throughout behaves like a much matured woman and very reasonable woman who is seriously trying to build the relation, but it just doesn’t happen.
12. As a last resort, she will ask a separation from the family and set up a new home. Coincidently, this new home will be somewhere close to our house. And there you go. Our daughter is back.
13. Because we would have had enough time to build a false case for ourselves, we are definitely safe.
14. in case if the things won’t work as planned, the girl will come back to us, creating an unwarranted scene in her in-laws home. She will prove it to her husband that the house is a hell for her. She will also prove to the world by word of mouth or any such means (that I will train her on), that she was necked out of her house with wearing clothes.
That is it. End of plan. Now either the guy agrees to our orders or we have a missile to launch. AK489a with advanced DV features. Police and the law are with us. The missile just fits our requirement ( AS SEEN ON TV).
The boy and his parents and his relatives of our choice go into the jail with immediate effect. They attend court for half their lives. And we win as we know girl’s tears never go unnoticed and GIRL NEVER TRIES TO BREAK FAMILIES. We get all the money we spent on the marriage and much more in the multiples of 100s in extortion. How was that??
The Mrs Sumithra turns back and sees that her husband is
&%%!!$$%%££###. Unconscious &%%!!$$%%££###.
After about 2 hours or so, Mr.Singh comes clear out of his unconscious state.
Mrs.Sumitra is now watching her favourite saas bahu episodes in Television.
Mr. Singh’s heart beat is raising heavily and he is sweating badly. Unable to believe what he heard, he wiped his sweat, cleared his voice and asks his wife..
“How did you come up with this plan” .
His wife replies :Chillao Mat!! ( dont raise your voice) How do you think I managed my marriage? It was a bit difficult without the AK-498a. But definitely manageable…
Btw, If you ever raise your voice against me again( even if I kick ur nuts), then I shall shout so much that some body will do the “BELL BAJAO”…
The Man wished he had a son he could share his sad moments with..The Poor Man again drops UNCONSCIOUS. His wife, continues seeing the TV serial, feeling disgusted about this unconscious man, who disturbed her while watching her favorite TV Serial
End Of Story….
🙂 Comments Please 🙂
Very heart provoking post. Nice way of presentation. Keep it up.
Hi
Brilliant piece of writing. Interesting insight through a parody on the draconian laws.
Please send it to some print newspapers or magazines so that it gets wider circulation.
God bless
S.K
awesome… this needs to be bloged everywhere possible.
Excellent and quite humourous too with choice of words.
Due to loss of words, I can only remember one word for you, Buddy!
FANTABULOUS……….. This sure will be replicated in many other blogs….
wonderful…. keep more and more coming.
This rings a bell 🙂